CAUTION: STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD

 

A Modern Day Vision To Share 

reamsincticity

This morning I woke up from a terrify nightmare, fighting off defined feelings of my mortalities-end, racing through me, as I was tried to catch my breath. Heart racing, I acknowledged my uncomely sweat, that surfaced over the whole of my body. 

What happened? Why was I reacting so violently and with a stiff enumerative process taking over? 

 My urgent, personal and silent thoughts, tumbling through me. Pulling away from my present moment, and staying still at the same time, while I was mindfully exploring my nightmare as best I could, before the intoxicating, sleepiness flees. Unable to catch my own breath feeling intense emotion spread, and then, like stars, the thoughts dimmed downed, then die away, the more awake I became. Just.. thoughtfully recanting the sophistry-like-atmosphere, from which, I had just plummeted from, finding a more stable reasoning for such an uproar.. only later.

The emotions thogh, were of needing to compete to be alive!!?? I wasn't taking a stroll, rather, I found myself refining the acute emotion of having to FIGHT for my existence or immortality? A slim delicate slice, of exquisitely mattering in this ever cycling universe?"

My emotionally afire nightmare, is "set" in a futuristic dystopian society,  and I am "inside" another person/thing. Many things are unfolded to me, throughout the story of what is my dream/nightmare, and initially, all I'm really dealing with, in a lonely and quiet manner, is having a anuretic protozoa like animal apart of my physical make up. I cannot see the creatures futuristic symbiotic DNA, woven through me, but I can feel 'It's' near-fatal wounds all over.. 'It's/My' body, lying in a bed, in a medical facility where there were only stories of help coming that I understood, from my/It's own thought processes. 'It'/I was in a room, seemingly waiting to see a professional, terrified that my life was was soon ending.

What I was actually dealing with, in my real life, at that time,  was that I had just had, a call from the four corners, that my time was UP!!!
I had been going pretty steadily for about a year, using illegal substances, where after using and drinking more and more as time went by, I had a serious condition occur, when my body actually burst open with abscesses for no other reason except my body was SEPTIC. That was in retrospect, my own diagnoses of what happened, where I figured that I had to of been highly toxic, to of burst out in abscesses like I did. 

 I knew if I continued to use, I would die. It was something I just felt inside me. My Mom also saw the state I was in, making a similarly darkened opinion of my physical girth and how much time left I had here on earth. I was just as lost as I had been since I was a kid, and this time using, although the run benefited me with a lot of research time and opportunities to publish, I wasn't emotionally re-organized at all,  like I had decided is what I'm trying to do, in this world. In order for me to stop using, I was hoping to somehow be smartly regrouped, in a way where my senses weren't always backwards and always uncommon sense for me. Although I wasn't that, I was aware that It was time to stop. I had been waiting to get to here for quite awhile, and was very grateful that the time to get clean, was there..